It is Friday and that can mean this is the moment when all fellow human beings should be in fantastic humor, we really like to document and give our opinion on all the occurrences in the gambling and casino scene and the Calida team get out of bed almost every day with all the anticipations of a young boy or girl on Christmas morning, but this morning well we were stumped.
Not much has developed, well nothing outstanding anyway, yes we may easily have told you that Steve Wynn has launched his new casino in Macau but at this point that situation continues to be published so frequently the peasant farmers in the backwaters of North Korea know that he might possibly transfer his head office there. Possibly even my granny realizes this idea by now.
Subsequently there we all were waiting round with our coffee and considering what to do next, should we spruce up the office? That proposition failed to get a good response so what then? Well we decided that we should permit ourselves to drift back to our younger years, it is Friday remember.
As a child the planet is truly a much happier place and it is happier only because we still have that spectacular tool, our imagination, we can still inspire ourselves when using the proverbial cardboard box only to a child the box is actually the a secret garden. So where is our imagination taking us? Well we agreed that in preference to cleaning the office we could instead make our top priority international casino domination.
Very similar to the bad guy from any James Bond flick we've found a scheme but we thought we would omit all of the evil from it, well almost all of it anyway. So here we go, brew yourself a stimulating mug of coffee and bear in mind that a little childhood imagination is important and also it's Friday so remember to smile.
Calida Gaming are taking over the world of casinos and gambling but to achieve this we will require a casino. This isn't a drawback as the Station casinos are being sold and with the existing biggest tender being a simple $772 million from the Fertitta family we could put that together not a problem. So our company is now involved in the casino industry how hard could it be?
We did take a look at putting an offer in for for Las Vegas Sands or the MGM Mirage CityCenter but figured as we don't like to tidy the office that we a in at the moment those developments might a bit on the large size, never mind though as you know what people say about size not mattering.
Day two and we are standing in our casino looking at all our gamblers and all seems to be fine but we're progressive thinkers here and quite frankly being another casino owner is not nearly good enough so we sit down and plan some more, we determine that we need to have a person over for supper so we invite Congressman Barney Frank ( yes we know we made him a Senator yesterday but he is now back to a Congressman) he happily takes up our invitation and hightails it over.
We like to entertain, particularly as we have become casino owners and having seen all the episodes of the Las Vegas television show think we are quite well experienced now but we have an ulterior goal here and sly like our Bond villain we move in for the kill.
So Mr Frank, when is your bill to legalize online gambling in America destined to be passed? We ask, smelling a rat Mr Frank puts down his plate of shrimp and eyes us up for a moment, obviously identifying our plan of action for casino world domination is an excellent one he informs us that a week next Thursday should do it.
Marvelous we will be first and foremost to launch. We do however still have to have an internet site but that's all right as Dave the valet has two teenage sons who he swears never leave the land of Facebook and Twitter so they have to be capable of making one for us by the morning, after all they have a spotty complexion and send texts in a language no adult can appreciate.
Sure enough the following morning our brand new website and Casino Bonus is ready "dominate the casino world.com" but we still have 10 days before we can receive any casino business online, that's all right as we still need to unravel a handful of go live factors.
First on the list is to choose a payment processor who can take all of our gazillions in deposits, ruling the casino world isn't as easy as we assumed. We do what any well accomplished CEO would do in this predicament and google casino payment processor. We've unearthed one and he looks like a mastermind of online casino payments.
Daniel Tzvetkoff has started a company called Intabill and by all accounts he must be very good, he has some $84 million dollars to his name after just a few of years, yes this casino world domination is destined to be lucrative. Just as we are stretching for the phone to ask Mr Tzvetkoff if he could possibly be so pleasant as to process our day-to-day gazillion revenue our recently hired "Head of All Things Technological" (remember the spotty teenagers) discovers how to work with google in the right way and learns that Mr Tzvetkoff has in fact just a while back been busted for processing some $600 million in highly suspicious casino payments, hmm we determine that it's most likely not an appropriate time to contact him after all, it has been rumored that he is on some kind of road trip with his father.
We for this reason go with our secondary choice and decide on Bank Of America. When we actually tell them that we are expecting a gazillion dollars on the first day they jump for joy, not since sub prime mortgages has there been such mammoth profits. They are that amazed in fact that they phone us back half an hour later and inquire if we would like to lend a couple of hundred million just to make sure that we will send them a gazillion dollars a day.
It's fairly simple this world domination lark, we've got our Las Vegas casino which is now noticeably busier than MGM or Las Vegas Sands because we devoted all that time looking at Las Vegas on television so we are at this moment far better than anyone else.We have our internet site and we are the only guys who know that Barney Frank will have his bill passed on Thursday because we were the only one to have him over for shrimp.
It's now Tuesday and we only have just two days left. Our new office cleaning lady, we can pay to not do it ourselves now, asks if we have lined up a famous person for our launch, obviously we have we say, do you imagine we are new comers? She leaves and we begin the task of finding a movie star and super quick.
We have to have somebody to sign up fast, people often like to take their time and we are in a rush, who can we get that will be eager? Firstly we ponder of the cast from Las Vegas but decide that as they know so much they may possibly launch a takeover when the meet us so we come to agreement on on Tiger Woods.
Everyone trust's Tiger and his face will not give us any controversy in the slightest. Deal done and for one half of our daily gazillion dollars he is on-board.
Launch Day.
We actually remember to arise early to plug the new server thing in, wait a little bit and there it is our all new Online Casino. Will anybody come and have a look? Undoubtedly as we are the only licensed online casino in America and our completely new "Head of All Things Technological" remembered to phone Google yesterday and request if they would possibly be so generous as to send all their casino traffic over to us as we are noticeably the most accomplished.
It takes us all of Thursday and Friday to handle all the congratulatory calls and wait around for the Bank Of America man to drop of our 2 gazillion dollars for Thursday and Friday. We give one of the gazillions to Tiger for being there for us and debate how we can use the other one. Maybe we need to buy MGM Mirage all things considered or maybe Las Vegas Sands, after all if you are not heading forward you are standing still. Cleaning the offices is no longer an irritation as Mavis our cleaner says she has a buddy at the old peoples center who could be of use.
We come to the conclusion however that our present domination plan is so well designed and accomplished that MGM and LVS will come to us so we let them be, instead we conclude that now we have worked on America what we must do is Call Barney Frank and ask him if he might be so nice as to just pop over to China for us, early on next week will be fine and ask if they will legalize online betting now that they would have such an qualified partner.
On his journey home we also ask Congressman Frank (see still a Congressman) if he could go to Hong Kong and Macau and let Mr Stanley Ho and his family know that we have now dominated the U.S. Casino sector so he should end all links with MGM Mirage and be a part of our little club instead.
So off Barney heads armed with two box sets of the Las Vegas TV show, one for the Chinese Government and one for the Ho family just to verify we do know for sure what we are working on.
So there you go 10 days and the American market is evidently now ours, we calculation the Asian market may likely take 14 days as we've a friend of a friend coming to help us understand Chinese as Mavis said this would be the well mannered course of action.
Remember it is Friday and regardless of what you are working on stop for a second and smile, let your imagination run away with you for 5 minutes, trust us the normal world and all its problems will still be there when your finished.
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